I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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