This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
