You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
