He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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