Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
