I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
