Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
