yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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