dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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