I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
