I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
