I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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