I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
