Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
