1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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