I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
