You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
