i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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