I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
