I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
