Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend