I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.