It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"