I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.