STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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