He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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