Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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