making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
