Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
