I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
