I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
