Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
