You made me cry and you don't even care
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
