im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she smelled like a LAN party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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