So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
