you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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