Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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