He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
