My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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