I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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