WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
