he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
