I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
