It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize