This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
