In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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