Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
