I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
