ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
