its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
