I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
