I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
