He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
