Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
