If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
