Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
