Well apparently he's into motor boating.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
