Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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