3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
