So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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