I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
