I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
