so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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