Your dad touched me again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
