I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
