Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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