I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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