i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
