My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
