I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize