I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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