When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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