My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
