He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
