It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
