I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
