I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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