for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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