Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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