I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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